


Deliverance

by agentwhalesong



Series: Sadness [3]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Drr, Feels, Gen, Hurt, Justice for Monica, She Deserved Better, So much better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-04-06 09:12:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14053677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentwhalesong/pseuds/agentwhalesong
Summary: #JusticeforMonica





	Deliverance

**Author's Note:**

> As you probably noticed from my username, Monica Reyes is my favorite character. I wrote this when the spoilers for the finale came out and I only changed it a little now that I've seen the episode. This is canon compliant, so please don't read it if you haven't seen the finale yet.  
> Special thanks to Karol for having read this when it was only a draft and to Mia for reading the original version of this fic and giving her feedback. I love you both. ♥

When he proposed she changed sides she obviously said no. He didn’t know her, didn’t know about her values and her loyalty. She would never betray her friends, her loved ones, humanity. Never. Unless…

He must have seen something change in her facial expressions because he added in that hoarse voice that, if she didn’t know better, she would have thought it was the voice of a dying man.

“You don’t have to answer right away. I’ll call for you tomorrow again, then you can give me your answer.”

She was about to reply that she didn’t need to think about it, but she refrained from doing so. What had crossed her mind earlier perhaps was reason enough.

She gave him one last despising look and left the room, wishing he would die on his sleep.

That night she couldn’t sleep. Thousands of thoughts came to her at once and she didn’t know how to deal with them. She was not a traitor, she wouldn’t be one. But if there was any chance of saving Scully and William from this man’s plans, this was it. She still didn’t know how, but she knew she could do it. She had to.

So, when he called for her the next day, she took the job with her heart breaking inside her chest, ignoring the voice in her head that told her that, no matter how good her intentions were, she would never succeed.

\--------

Her job consisted of driving him around, of lighting up cigarettes for him, of basically being his baby sitter but with a gun metaphorically pointed to her head. She didn’t want to do this, she really didn’t, but the info she was privy to was worth it.

One day, as she lit up a cigarette and placed it in the hole in his throat, she wished for the thousandth time that he would die on the surgery that was supposed to fix him. She only realized she had said it aloud when he spoke.

“If you despise me so much, why are you working with me?”

He exhaled, and the smoke came out of his mouth. She had quit smoking a long, long time ago, but if she hadn’t, the very idea of the smoke coming out of him would make her quit at that exact moment.

She considered his question for a few seconds, speaking too soon for fear he might see right through her and ruin her plans.

“You promised me salvation. I value my life. I want to survive.”

He chuckled and her hatred for him grew even more.

“You think you can save Scully and the boy, don’t you?”

He paused, taking the cigarette in his weak hand himself and then placing it on the ashtray beside him.

“What is it about Scully that makes everyone fall in love with her?”

He said it in a lower tone, mostly to himself.

“You think you’re smart, Monica, but you can’t outsmart me. I’ve survived this long against every improbability, haven’t I? There is a reason for that.”

She knew it was pointless to answer anything and she felt her eyes burn with tears that were desperate to be let out. Her fighting back days were gone and she hated herself for it. She chewed on the inside of her cheek to contain her anger, while she waited for him to continue. There was always a continuation.

“Just remember I know where John Doggett lives. All I have to do is pick up the phone and a bullet will magically make its way to his brain. It would be a shame to see someone like him go down that way, don’t you think?”

She allowed the tears to stream down her face at the mention of John. A person who had nothing to lose was dangerous, so she wasn’t sure if she believed they would really kill John, but she couldn’t risk being wrong.

They would still be together if it weren’t for the impossible cancerous man in front of her. She loved John Doggett and leaving him was the hardest thing she had ever had to do. But how could she explain to him that she was working with the very man that had been against their work all along, the man who had done terrible things to Scully, to Mulder, to human kind in general, just because he could? And how could she bring him into this when she loved him so much? She would much rather see him suffer from a heartbreak than see him die because he was dragged into a life she chose for herself.  

She had left him with no explanation, no letters, no goodbyes. She just got up in the middle of the night one day and never came back. CGB Spender had made sure to erase her files from the FBI so that no one would be able to track her down, not even John. So, she never returned to her beautiful apartment near M street, she never ate Polish sausages again, she never returned to the FBI, she never returned to her old life. Basically, she left no trace that she had ever existed. She hoped all her sacrifices would be worth it in the end.

Carl Gerard Bush – what a strange, common name for a man like him - looked amused as he studied her face. She wanted to shout that he was a pig, that he was the worst kind that ever existed, but she knew it wouldn’t have any effect on him because he was past the point of caring. So, she just gave him the most hateful look she could and left the room. It seemed to be her pattern these days.

She sobbed for a whole hour in her car in the parking garage that evening.

\--------

A few months into the job, she saw William for the first time.

It was in one of those visits to the clinic where he kept control of all the children that had been part of his experiment. She was shocked to find out how many they were. But, although all of them had special abilities, William was the most special.

She was rarely allowed inside the clinic, but that day he asked her to go up with him, saying that he would need her help with something. The more she thought about it, the more she realized he just wanted her to see William, much like a child who just got the most amazing toy for Christmas and just wanted everyone to see it. More than that, he wanted her to suffer because he took pleasure in seeing everyone feel powerless while he held all the power in the world in his hands.

She saw William from a relative distance, but she couldn’t help but smile. He was taller than she had expected, his hair was much darker than she remembered, and even his eyes had gone from blue to brown. He reminded her a little of Mulder. She hoped Mulder would be able to see his son again one day. No, hope was not the right word. She would make sure Mulder saw his son again one day, no matter what.

William – he was called Jackson now, but for her he was still William – smiled, which reminded her of Dana. She hoped she could meet her soon to tell her all about her son. Would she understand why Monica joined the team they had always fought against? Would she know she had only done this in an attempt to help her? She hoped to God she would.

She still didn’t have a full plan in her head, but she knew she would have to act soon or everything would go to hell. CGB Spender was recruiting more people now, which only meant he might be close to accomplishing his goal. She just needed to find a way of telling Scully everything she knew and hope she would act on her words and save the world. She had to, not only for the sake of humanity, but for the sake of her own soul. She felt like her soul had been sold to the devil too many times already and she couldn’t take it much longer.

 

\--------

Pointing that gun at Skinner felt horrible. She felt her heart sink with every single moment, but she was stronger now, she would be able to keep up the act. He was surprised to see she was in cahoots with the smoking man, but who wouldn’t? Everyone who knew her knew that this was not her at all.

She tried to communicate through her eyes, desperately needing him to see what was really happening.

_I’m still good, Skinner. I haven’t turned my back on you. I’m still good. I’m trying to find a way to save us all._

But a short look in the eye wouldn’t be able to convey all that and she felt like crying from frustration. But the tears never came anymore. She had learned to be tougher, to be wiser.

She left the car pretending she was irritated that Skinner didn’t want to come to their side, but what she was really irritated about was that she wanted him to because that way at least she would have an ally, someone to share her feelings, someone to help her put a stop to the smoking man’s plans. She did all she could, but she was still only one person. She lit up a cigarette and put it in her mouth. It tasted terrible after so many years of abstinence, but there was something familiar to it, almost as if there was something in that cigarette that connected present Monica to past Monica and it comforted her somehow. It was how she began smoking again.

 

\--------

News came that they had lost track of the boy, that he had found a new set of abilities and was able to run away from them, at least for now. She almost laughed when she heard the news.

_You go, William! Make your parents proud! Destroy your creators before they can destroy you._

That night she dreamt she was back at home, sitting in her couch with John’s arm wrapped around her shoulders, listening to Mulder and Scully talk about how William was accepted in his top choice of college.

She woke up with a smile on her face for the first time in the past 10 years.

 

\--------

 

She knew what was about to happen and she knew she couldn’t prevent it. She tried going against the hideous man beside her because she just didn’t care anymore. If she died for a good cause, so be it. She just wouldn’t die without letting people know she fought to her last breath to make things right. As she tried to put the car in reverse, she only hoped it would be enough for now. But, as always, CSM was two steps ahead of her. He changed the gear before she could see it, before she could even realize what was happening. His foot stepped on the gas. She was momentarily paralyzed, as if time was suddenly in slow motion. She saw Skinner pointing his gun at her, not in an attempt to shoot her, but in an attempt to save his own life. She saw how his hands gripped his gun a little harder and she knew that was it, he would pull the trigger.

Having lived among so many people with superpowers, she now wished that Skinner was one of them, that he could at least read minds. She had so much to say!

_Tell Scully I’m sorry. Tell her I tried everything that was in my power. All I ever wanted was to keep her and William safe. I was never the bad guy, I was just trying to help. I’m good. I’m loyal. I’ll always be. Keep them safe for me. And John. Tell him I never stopped loving him._

_I’m good, I promise you. Please believe me._

She felt no pain when the bullet hit her head.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to read a happier ending, I wrote it on chapter 6 of [Kudoclasm](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14056662/chapters/32481138)


End file.
